Comments on the first anniversary of Sam's death, April19, 2004... / Karen (Sam's mom ) Thank you for coming today to remember Sam Pitcher and to share our memories of him.
Sam’s death was so unexpected and seemed so unfair. We could never begin to express how much we miss him. In the past year we have learned much about what it means to mourn the loss of someone we loved so much. One thing we have learned is that everyone grieves differently –there is no right way. We’ve found that it helps us to talk about him, to remember him and, by doing so, to keep his memory alive. We do have many wonderful memories and we do find comfort in believing that Sam’s short life was a full and happy life. I would like to share with you some memories that I find especially comforting.
First is the memory of Sam as happy. Many of you have expressed to us that you knew him to be a happy person. This is especially comforting for us to hear. My last memory of Sam on the night he died is one of him being in an exceptionally good mood. He had my car that afternoon, as was often the case, and he was supposed to pick me up at work. Five o’clock came and Sam wasn’t there, so I called him on his cell phone. I could imagine the little smile on his face as he answered, realized what happened, and said, “Whoops.” He was out the road north quite a ways at the time and even though I told him not to drive too fast, I think he probably did. He was in such a cheerful mood when he arrived to pick me up, however, that it would have been impossible to be mad at him. He was planning to spend the night at Anton’s house, computer networking with friends. I asked him to drive me by the house so I would know where it was and he cheerfully did so. When we drove by we saw Sondra, Anton’s mom, and Ruby, their Beagle, in their front yard. They came over to the car to say hi and we introduced ourselves. This was our first meeting. I don’t remember anything specific as to what Sam and I talked about on the drive home; I just remember Sam being in a particularly good mood. I guess he was looking forward to spending an enjoyable night with friends. I remember him carrying his computer equipment out to the car; that huge monitor that he seemed to pack around so easily and his keyboard and other small items in his backpack. He came home again a little later to pick up something that he had forgotten and again he seemed to be in a very cheerful mood. I cherish this memory because that’s the way I’ll always remember Sam, happy and upbeat, heading off to enjoy life.
Sam did bring tremendous joy to our lives and I think he brought joy to many of your lives as well. Many of you have told us that Sam could always bring a smile to your face or make you laugh. I think this was due in part to his easy-going, upbeat personality, and also to his goofy sense of humor. It wasn’t that Sam was always in a good mood or telling jokes, but rather I believe he had the ability to see the humor in the little everyday occurrences in life and in them often found reason to smile and laugh. One small example that I’m reminded of regularly is the result of receiving mail in our post office box addressed to Beau O. Loney. At first I thought it was an incorrect address; something placed in our box by mistake. I’m a little slow sometimes; Sam would say most of the time. When I looked at the name again, it did finally occur to me that this just might have something to do with Sam. Sure enough it was something he had signed up for under this fictitious name. The name struck me as funny, too, so I decided to use it in a template for a file label that I use at work. Now whenever I make one of those file labels, Beau O. Loney pops up as a little reminder of Sam and his goofy sense of humor. We cherish the memories of the sense of fun and humor he brought to our lives.
Sam had many talents and abilities that we are proud of as his parents, but we are most proud of Sam just for being the genuinely nice person that he was. We didn’t need a bumper sticker to know that Sam was a nice kid through out his life who grew up to be a nice young man. All of you, the good friends he made throughout his life are testament to that. Even from a young age we never tried to choose Sam’s friends for him. Even though he was quiet and somewhat shy as a young child, he seemed to have the ability to make good friends and he chose them wisely. Through Sam’s choice in friends, we enjoyed meeting their parents and making new friends as well. We are extremely proud of who Sam was and the life he lived. We will always cherish the memory of his easy going, friendly nature. We believe that it would be in keeping with his kind and gentle spirit that Sam would want the family and friends he cared about to grow through the experience of this loss and to go on to enjoy meaningful and happy lives.
These are just a few of the memories of Sam that we cherish. We would love to hear some of your memories if you would like to share them, however large or small they are, sad or happy, whether they make us cry or laugh or both. Sharing your memories with us is a gift that we very much appreciate. Memories are what will always keep Sam’s presence alive in our hearts.
Sam & Yenta! / Rosemary
Karen, what a beautiful memorial! I found it by accident a few minutes ago and to tell you the truth, don't even remember what site I was on to find this one. Even though I didn't know Sam well enough to say more than hello to him, I thought he was a terrific young man, and so gifted. I liked him. I don't know if I told you, but I was (in my head) always on the lookout for a girlfriend for him!! At one point I thought my niece would be perfect for him, and another time I thought the girl who played the xylophone thing in Wind Jammers should go for him, having no idea she was two years older than he! Just call me Yenta!
Matthew leaves for Sitka Fine Arts Camp this coming Sunday. He's very excited. Thank you ~ for everything. Close
Reppin' the Charmin / Archie
From the Memorial event page Archie created on Facebook 4/19/07, "So on this day: Sport the Charmin Label! Drink Mountain Dew even if you HATE Mountain Dew! Play some Low Rider in your car. Do the Chainsaw! Get a parfait at McDonald's! Anything that reminds you of the jolly giant!" Close
This Time / Chris
I am just reeling from the carnage at Virginia Tech. What stays with me is a quote from a young man who was in the room where the slaughter took place: "I knew I was going to die. All I could do was think about my mom." The quotes, the images, the thoughts, the lack of immediate or long term answers haunt all of us and send us into a tailspin of grief. I just wanted you to know how my heart goes out to you at this time, both you and Dave, dealing as you are with the anniversary of Sam's death. Love, Chris Close
Message recieved February 2007 / Steven (Interlochen friend )Read >>
Message recieved February 2007 / Steven (Interlochen friend )
I was in the same cabin as Sam at Interlochen Arts Camp in 2002. He was always a happy person and brightened the mood of everyone around him. He always said the right thing at the right time, and he helped contribute to the outstanding environment we had in that cabin. Even though we knew each other for only one month, he is deffinately missed by everyone from that cabin. I wish you and your family the best. Close
From a November, 2006 message / Maribeth
The site is beautiful. You did a wonderful job of telling Sam's story - both in writing and choice of photos. It must have been hard to do, but in another way, therapuetic. Sam was such an extraordinary young man. Sam, I love you. Close
Beautiful Tribute / Jo-Ann
Dear Karen, Your son was and is amazing and talented. This is a wonderful tribute to him. The painting is all that you described and more. My thoughts and prayers are always with you. It is so sad to have lost such talent on this earth and to have lost your beautiful son. My heart goes out to you. Love and Hugs Jo-Ann Close
Email recieved on February 10, 2006 / Chris Read >>
Email recieved on February 10, 2006 / Chris
I am terrible at remembering dates, and I had forgotten that Sam’s birthday was coming right up. I wish I had remembered so I could have sent you the email I am sending today without any prompting. I recall so distinctly visiting you and Sam in the hospital. Of course, your bed was adjusted just so, and the blanket folded down so precisely. I have always wondered how you managed in the weeks I spent in hospital beds since, as I thrashed and kicked and ended up with sheets and blankets all over. And there was Sam, nestled in your arms, looking like a rosy little peach. It was evening, and you had a dim light on that caught the little gold filaments of his hair. You looked like such a content Madonna. I remember just gasping. And you gave me such hope because Doug and I tried and TRIED for me to conceive and I was afraid it would never happen. Sam. What a great little guy. I always just loved him, loved how he enjoyed Douglas and Seth, loved how he was terrorized by Danny, loved his strong sense of Sam. Sam’s music may be fainter, but it will live on in my heart too. My heart that goes out to you and Dave with such love. Close
John shared with me your letter and the other things you sent to him about Sam. Thank you for thinking of John and including him. John loved Sam more than anyone. Sam was John's best friend and John never had another friend who meant as much to him.
I wanted you to know how much happiness Sam gave John and as John's dad how much Sam's friendship to John meant to me. I was going to say that Sam gave John the brother he never had. But remembering what it was like growing up with three brothers, I think Sam, as John's best friend, meant a lot more to John than even a brother could have.
When we moved to Hawaii, John had a tough time adjusting ...During all the time John was having such a difficult experience, I often remembered how at ease John and Sam were with each other. They fit each other like clothes. I wished over and over again that John could find someone like Sam who would just accept and like John for the wonderful person that he is. As time went by and that never happened, I realized more and more how lucky John was (we all were) to have known Sam and to have stored up all of the wonderful memories of being with Sam. I wish now I could tell Sam thank you, but I will tell you and Dave, thanks for having such a good kid.
...what you say about Sam's life is true: It was a happy life and it was a blessing to the many people who knew him. To be able to say that about John's life is all I have ever wanted for him. for it to be so would be a lot, especially in this world.
Again, thank you for remembering John and how much Sam meant to him and will always mean to him.
Sam's Kitchen ... childhood memories... / John Read >>
Sam's Kitchen ... childhood memories... / John
In my early childhood, one of the places that I knew best was my friend Sam’s house in Ketchikan, Alaska. Looking back on it now, his house was old and small, but when I was only seven or eight, it seemed like a giant palace. It had a large living room that seemed to accommodate the entire world and a bathroom that seemed like it could have someone living in it. His parent’s bedroom was forbidden domain while we romped around Sam’s room or the yard. But one of the rooms that I remember the best was the kitchen. The kitchen was a cold place, mainly because of the black and white tile floors that seemed to absorb the Alaskan weather which got to your feet even if you were wearing socks. When you entered, on your right, there was a small, blue booth like the kind you might see in a restaurant. The counters of the kitchen were made of synthetic brown wood and held an assortment of cooking utensils – a white bread making machine, a metallic ice cream scooper, a noisy coffee bean grinder, and a little circular wooden spice rack. Next to the counter was a tall, white refrigerator which was covered in magnets of all kinds. Sam’s drawings, family photos, brightly colored school flyers, and little, funny magnets with humorous sayings graced the front of the fridge. The fridge was full of many different foods, but it almost always contained some kind of fish – usually salmon, halibut or trout – and venison. There were also little containers of Kraft yogurt and cartons of soy milk. There was a small, old fashioned, double basin sink which was usually filled with dishes that were waiting to go into the dishwasher that resided right next to it. The dishwasher and the oven were really the only warm spots in the entire kitchen. Across from the entrance was the door to the pantry which held a collection of canned goods, like clam chowder and tomato soup, on old blue shelves that gave off a musty smell. Bags of potato chips, flour, and lentils were piled in one corner next to the silver or copper diet soda cans that rested opposite the dog kennel. There were boxes of Kudos bars that Sam and I would smuggle out by the handfuls on late night raids. The pantry had one little part of mystery to it. At its far end, there were stairs leading down to the lower apartment, but it might as well have been a portal to god knows where for all we knew. Those dark, scary stairs were one of the few things about Sam’s house that actually frightened me. The constant fights between my stomach and those stairs during those midnight raids were something that I still remember. The kitchen would really come alive when it was time to eat. The smells of cinnamon raisin bread, spaghetti sauce, pepperoni pizza, and rhubarb crisp would often fill the air. The sounds of Karen chopping vegetables and meat, water boiling, Dave telling Sam and myself to set the table for dinner, Karen reminding us to wash our hands, and Sam’s beagle, Gurdy, scurrying looking for dropped food were ever present. There was also the clang of the white dishes, tapping against each other, as we quickly sped out to set the table. Then all would fall into a murmur with the thumping of Gurdy’s tail on the floor and the light conversation that would lead us through dinner. This kitchen, with its many sights, smells, and sounds, will be something that I will never forget. I will never forget seeing the bread being sliced, the smell of rhubarb crisp being taken out of the oven, or the sound of Sam’s voice. These are some of the memories that connect me to Sam, who has passed on, and my home, which I have left but never truly forgotten. Close
Memories written on April 25, 2004... / Diane Read >>
Memories written on April 25, 2004... / Diane
I don't know if he told you but we did go and see the headstone. It did turn out nice... What a beautiful tribute to Sam. I really like that picture of Sam. At the memorial, when you talked about what a good mood he was in that night, That is what I remember the most. He was really glowing. He came into the house and he got a soda out of the fridge and came and sat by me. (I was at the computer) But he stood by the kitchen for a minute to open his soda and he was laughing and smiling. I was wondering if he had a girlfriend or something but I didn't dare ask....because he had that kind of glow. (my three brothers were like that when they met some one they liked) I think they were here long enough to drink the soda and to plan a get away to play computers. But his good mood made me feel good. It was contagious. When you said that, I wanted to let you know that I remembered him that way. I liked to hear Dustin and Sam joke around....they were both quiet but the laughter was good. Then along came Anton with his joking and laughter louder....they really clicked together....I love that Anton can talk so easy about Sam.... I know Dustin would have loved to say something at the memorial but it was too difficult for him. I remember how they laughed when they shot the potato gun. I remember when Sam came as Dilbert and Kevin came as a Viking.....That was so funny!! One of my favorite memories is when he did "Low Rider" at the Grind....That was wonderful. I will remember when Sam got his braces off and when he got his contacts. I remember how cool he was at Winter Ball with Bonnie Belle... I am glad that I stayed to take a picture of him. I never worried when Dustin left with Sam....Even when Sam got his license.....I knew he was a safe driver. Another of my favorite pictures is the one that Gianna took at Kanayama where he’s on the floor with the young kids... Last month when I was cleaning Gianna's apartment I came across a poem that she wrote about Sam… She had good memories of him in Kanayama and of him being around the house. Another memory that I have....We took Sam with us to our friends’ house for dinner...My mom and dad and family and friends were all there....The boys sat quietly on the couch...(we were at Wilma and Allen’s house) Dustin and Allen like to talk computers and such.... But my dad and his friend...who is my dad's age...they were visiting and both these men are hard of hearing and were talking very loud....So the men starting talking about their health problems and it turned out to be embarrassing for the boys because the men were talking about prostrate problems.... Sam and Dustin were just sitting there with funny smiles... like they were ready to explode into laughter but they held it back....They did good but I just laughed at them and got them some juice to drink ...by then the conversation was on something else! So anyhow, the picture on the headstone, to me anyhow, shows the kindness and good humor that we remember of Sam. Dustin mentioned the trumpet right away.... Sam was a good musical influence on Dustin... I appreciate so much how you have been there for Dustin and I. We should have been there for you but you really have helped us a lot. I appreciate that you have included Dustin in so much. We were lucky to have Sam in our life Thank you, Diane
Comments recieved April 14, 2004... / Rosy Read >>
Comments recieved April 14, 2004... / Rosy
I thought of the one year anniversary of Sam's death this week and also I will always remember when Sam died because April 19th is my birthday. So I just naturally think of Sam around my birthday. My boss wrote a book entitled "Living Still, Loving Always." It was just published and I am going to send you a copy this week. I haven't read it yet but it looks very good. In 1994 two of her sons died in a car accident, they were 25 and 27 years old. She said to be sure and tell you that some of it will "fit" for you and some will not. I have another co-worker whose daughter (age 19) died 3 years ago April 17th. She said the same thing about the book, (she already read it all) that some things she would not have seen 1 or 2 years post her daughter's death but now this year she understands or has experienced more of what is in the book. Anyway, I think you might relate to and appreciate her book.
I appreciate your sharing of thoughts and actions related to Sam; like going through his room and hearing about the celebration and sharing of memories on Saturday. When I think of Sam, I think of his funny little smile that went all the way to his inside and how polite he always was while listening to us "older" ladies talk.
email recieved on 4/8/04... / Leslie (cousin)Read >>
email recieved on 4/8/04... / Leslie (cousin)
Hi Karen,
I really enjoyed what you wrote for Sam's memorial. I felt like I could picture you and Sam riding in the car together the last night you saw him. It was comforting to hear that your last memories of Sam were happy ones and that he was happy that night. I laughed when I read about you checking your mailbox and finding something addressed to...Beau O. Loney. I'm a little slow too...is it supposed to be bologna? Anyhow, that is pretty funny. Sam had a great sense of humor. It was good to know that it is helpful for you to speak about Sam and hear what other people's memories are...I think sometimes people don't know how to deal with death and whether of not they should talk about the deceased person or not. I bet it is kind of fun to listen to stories about Sam...one's that you may have never known about. I remember when Sam stayed overnight with us between camps...I felt like Sam really opened up to Bryan. Bryan knew just what to say to spark Sam's interest. It was fun to see them bond. If I remember right, they both stayed up late having fun on our computer together. Bryan was really looking forward to hanging out with Sam on our vacation to Alaska. Sam was a great kid. What attributed to him being such a great kid was that he had such wonderful, caring, and loving parents as you and Dave were to Sam! You can be proud of the time that you had with Sam while he was here on earth. Although it is very sad that he is gone, I imagine that the joyful memories of him bring you much comfort and put a smile on your face just as he had a smile on his face. I am starting to get sappy...good job on your writing piece...:-)
email received on 8/4/03... / Leslie (cousin)Read >>
email received on 8/4/03... / Leslie (cousin)
Hi Karen,
You and Dave were the best parents ever! There is absolutely nothing that you could have done differently to prevent Sam's death. Not even doctors...I was talking to our pediatrician today at work. She told me that you bought one of her books! She was happy about that. Anyhow, I told her about Sam. I think it made her a little scared thinking that as a doctor...what if she misses something. She was aware of a similar situation where a 20 year old died suddenly from heart complications. She has an adopted child who just recently went through open heart surgery.
Working at a clinic, I am reminded every day of how precious our health is and how fragile our lives are! Sam knew how much you cared for him...you showed Sam everyday how much you loved him. Sam knew you would have done anything humanly possible to prevent his death if it were in your power!! It really doesn't have anything to do with the Mountain Dew...don't worry. Ben drinks Mountain Dew ALL the time...among other more "adult" drinks at times! Remember my dream I had...it was Sam saying that he is just gone for a while "on vacation" and in a few decades you will once be reunited with him again. Time does not exist anywhere but here on Earth. Sam's presence is still with you...he is taking care of you now! :)
You are the best Karen! When I got back from our trip to Alaska...I was so happy! Just being around you lifted my spirits. You are like a mom (in a good way) and a close friend to me. I told Bryan over and over again how much I admired you. You have such a positive outlook on life...that it is wearing off on me! Your kindness, your caring nature, and your fun sense of humor made me feel so wonderful! I especially had fun watching home videos.
Well, I better get ready for bed soon. I hope you have a nice day and week. You can share your thoughts with me anytime. I hope I helped you feel better. Love, Leslie Close
email received 5/12/03... / Rosy
Dear Karen and Dave,
It was so wonderful to hear from you. I have been thinking of you every day. I agree with Penny that you two were such kind, gentle, and generous parents to Sam and that made him such a gentle and kind young man. He did pack a lot into his 16 years. Your loss is too great for words. I can't imagine how you go on each day; only with God's help as He shines through all your supportive friends and family. Thanks for sending us Sam's obituary and program from the service. I will be looking for it in the mail. I love you so much, Karen and wish I could be there to hug and listen ...
Thinking of you two everyday and sending prayers of comfort and love. Rosy Close
I don't want to bug you now. It is something none of us can imagine how it is. Kathy, Rosie, Susie and I had lunch together yesterday just to get together because of Sam. You and Dave are still on our minds. We met during the day, so Kris couldn't make it.
I also wanted to remember your Mother's Day. You and Dave are such kind, gentle and generous people, and Sam was always happy whenever I saw him. It is such a great gift you gave to him.
Read at Sam's funeral 4/29/03... / Bev
Sam was a great kid who grew up to be an exceptional young man. He played the piano, guitar and trumpet and loved every kind of music from rap to jazz. His performances with his friends in The Rubber Band were a crowd favorite at the Monthly Grind. His parents gave him opportunities and Sam ran with them. Swim team, basketball, Japan on the Kanayama Exchange program, summer camp for Japanese and trumpet and he still found time to goof off with his friends with potato guns, and be an honor roll student.
He had just obtained his driver's license last February and a few days later went to his first formal dance, with a date (Bonnie), wearing his yellow sports coat that he purchased from E-Bay. He was excited about having started his first job and was looking forward to his first pay check.
He wasn't easily ruffled. During the last Senior Carnival Sam was hanging out in the halls with his friends when we came in with his parents and several encounters of "I love you Sam" by us old fogeys didn't phase him. He just had that quirky little grin of his.
Sam loved his parents and was always respectful of them and all other people. He leaves a huge hole in our hearts, but he also leaves us many precious memories of his wonderful spirit, his many accomplishments, including recently building his own computer with help from his friends, and his quirky sense of humor. We are very proud to have known him and feel comforted to know that his spirit will live in our hearts forever.
Read at Sam's funeral 4/29/03... / Anton
This is going to be short so don't worry...
Sam was a great friend, you couldn't have a better person for that. I know that I will be hard pressed to find another friend like him anywhere. I think Dustin would agree with me. Also, he was a great musician playing all kinds of music and enjoyed listening to everything from punk to jazz. Sam went by many names such as Sam wise, The lummox, Samwise the brave after the delightful character from lord of the rings, and most recently Serious Sam. Which brings us to the point that Sam was a nerd. We had many a fun and enjoyable LAN party with Sam. In fact, one night we went through 109 Mountain Dews. The next morning, Seming was the first person I knew to get a hangover from Mountain Dew. His death was tragic and unaccepted.
There are a few people that I'd like to name that helped me through this rough time. Proto Baggins and Rolan for being there and putting up with me and making me laugh. Britta and Sonia for the flowers and well wishes. Fat Mr. P for always putting up with me and giving me help on my homework and I have the feat too!!! Mrs. Dru Hanson for understanding what im going through and all the well wishes. To a good friend and a partner in mischief Coz!! Also KOEP for just helping me in general. And last but not least Mrs. S for the call and being so understanding.
But most of all, I'll miss my good friend Sam. Close
Letter written on April 22, 2003... / Lois Read >>
Letter written on April 22, 2003... / Lois
To all of you in Mrs. Stillman's classes,
I had a delightful day in your classes a few weeks ago. When the bell rang, and the last class was gone, I thought about the day and the fun I'd had. I want you all to know how much I appreciate and admire you. I never cease being amazed at your talents. I admire your individuality. I like watchikng you grow and change during your high school years. And, of course, I love that you put up with my corny jokes.
I wish I had written this last week so that another of your classmates would hear my feelings. But I'm comforted by knowing that Sam is watching over all of us. And, he'll always be with us.
So take good care of and make time for each other. Be kind, considerate and compassionate to all. And know that Sam left his mark on me, and all of you will too, in some way ... but hopefully not with a potato gun!
email recieved on 4/21/03... / Kathy
Dear Karen and Dave,
You don't know how privileged I feel to have gotten to know your son. It was a true gift having him stay with us. I truly enjoyed being with him.
Karen and Dave, I can't imagine what it is like to have a son die. It isn't suppose to work out that way. My thoughts and my prayers go out to you. I will continue praying for you both to receive what you need.
If there is anyway that I can be supportive, please let me know.
Tributes and Condolences
